Saturday, October 3, 2009

A Letter To The Most Important

Hey man,
Its been some time huh? Where the fuck you been dude? A lot has happened since the last time we hung out but if you asked I'd probably say "not much". It's weird cause the distance never seems to grow or diminish, it just stays there. Ever since you left and came back, you're still on the road to nowhere, looking for yourself but now you seem content to travel solo. Which is cool lol. It always has been. Everyone's gotta do it eventually. I never really minded. Maybe I just always understood. Sometimes I wish i didn't, but that'd be selfish and I was always careful to not be that. That was never what you needed. So I hope to see you sometime eventually, but if not that's cool too. I know your road to nowhere is the most important place for you to be. Nothing could ever hold you back but you. Rock on man.

I really wish we could stop this. All the back and forth has never been good for anyone, but least of all you. Sure we all know I'm the big tough guy who doesn't feel anything and doesn't need anyone and blah blah. Been around so long, even new news is old news. So it doesn't surprise me that I'm still saying the same things and still knowing they're falling on deaf ears. The time when you gave a damn about anything I had to say is LOONG past. I guess years of telling yourself how stupid I am finally paid off. You can block my voice out all you want but the fact remains the same. I still love you, but you and me just don't fit and I don't know if we ever will again. We did once, but that too has gone. If only we weren't so vehement about keeping it that way, maybe we could at least crawl back to friends. I've always been the one to blame, and thats always been fine. I know in my heart, if I was always wrong then I was always wrong for the right reasons. It wasn't for me. If I was doing it for me, it would've ended worse. Maybe one day the good times will still seem as good. Maybe one day I will be gone. And maybe that'll make all the difference. I guess we'll just have to see. Come what may right? eh, you're not reading this anyway.

I really wish you'd shut the fuck up sometimes. You're an insensitive bastard who can't do anything right. You're fucking happy when you're ruining things. Who does that? No one but you. Sure, everything is planned, everything is scripted. Nothing surprises you. Even surprises dont surprise you because you knew you weren't paying attention. I wonder if the justifying everything thing is what pisses people off the most. Answers for everything, reasons for everything. Spontaneously strategizing your next spontaneous action. Maybe if you spent a little more time outside your head you'd actually find someone who wanted to join you. Oh yeah you've got skills. You can do things others dream of. You can make the most mundane into magic, you can bring a moment in time to a crawl and be so damn impressive. But can you be normal? Can you get embarassed?Can you be klutzy? Can you seriously fuck up? Like seriously? How bout this, an easy one...can you put your life in someone elses hands? Sure you talk about giving up control but can you do it? Can you lose at something you're passionate about? Can you be mortal? I fucking doubt it. All this mystery and splendor, surrounding yourself with smokescreens and fantasy. If you said people didn't know the real you, you'd be emo, but you're too clever for that. If you said you were the best, then if someone ever bested you, you'd be a liar and a loser. Can't have that. So you call yourself awesome. Can't really argue that point huh? define awesome in some term that isn't completely relative. Can't do it. And so you win. Your trick is an endless array of tricks. Recycled and replaced with every new face. When you begin again, you just upgrade to a new high and make it seem unique again. You will never end. Even when you're gone, the mystery will continue as legend because no one can tell where the truth is. And here's the real rub of it all. You're probably one of the most truthful and open and honest people you know. And that doesn't leave anyone any less confused about who you are. But you know. You know damn well. You are controlled chaos. And there is no place in this world for people like you. So fuck off.

1 comment:

  1. That's a lot said to a few people. I've read it many times. Can we read between the lines and figure out what of this belongs to us? Can you be that clear that we can see it between the lines? Know that it's us? Or is it all just you pushing out old shit that doesn't mean a thing, never did. Need answers before there can be another comment.