Saturday, October 3, 2009

Forgive Everyone Everything

I've recently made plans to return to the roots of my childhood.
No I'm not going back to live in Marblehead, though I wish I could afford to. No I won't be calling up old friends and seeing where they are now, though that might be nice. 

I've recently made plans to start storing up my negative energy again.

It has been a while since I could just blink and be full of such rage and power for whatever situation I was faced with. Bike riding for hours a day used to give me the endurance to be able to conjure up such wrath and emotion without warning. Physically I was faster, more alert and had more clarity when there was one road to walk, violently forward.

But now I think my plans will have to wait.

To be that person again means I can't let go. I can't let go of the slight offenses, the unkind words and gestures made by those I care about most. I can't let go of the disrespectful conversations that I overhear or the silent nights of wasted time. 

Dwelling in that anger was a childish thing, and I can no longer afford to be that person. Luckily for me it has always been a choice. So I will go farther back, and be the person I was before the anger and hate and rage. I will return to the kid who sang and danced for everything and forgot everything soon after. The kid who could forgive everyone everything.

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