Had an interesting conversation about sex and relationships the other day.
We were discussing the value of sex in a monogamous relationship. My view was that sex was THE most important bond in a relationship. Without sex, you are just good friends who share special moments. Sex is the one aspect that is expected to be shared by only you and your partner. Dinner, dancing, movies and even vacations on exotic beaches are all acceptable ways to spend time with other people of both genders. But romping in the rec room is not on the menu in a one on one situation. So to me, if you are with someone and abstaining from sexual/intimate relations then you are not an actual couple. You are two people trying to be better friends by spending time with each other a lot.
A woman was complaining about how her boyfriend most likely cheats on her and how she gets jealous when he is around other girls. I asked her, what is he doing right? The cheating can't be that bad if she is still with him and considering him as her man, despite possibly sharing him with others. And yet her biggest issue was with the truth. She wanted the truth of their relationship from him and felt it was justified to check his phone/email/facebook or any other espionage tactic she could figure out. My stance on this was simple. How can you ask him for trust, if he cannot trust you? People need privacy. Be it time alone in the bathroom, walking on a secluded beach or even a place where they can act freely among their friends without their actions or speech reflecting badly when out of context. This is why we have lovers and friends, because a lot of times, they cannot be one and the same.
My point is this. A relationship needs trust, love and intimacy. The love gets you together, the trust keeps you together and the intimacy makes it worthwhile. If love is hunger, and trust is having food, then intimacy is eating. You need to eat to survive. If one partner has a smaller appetite than the other and is the one doling out portions, the other will quickly become unsatisfied with the meals and begin sneaking food. If the hungrier party is in charge of the meal plan, the other will get quickly overwhelmed with the experience and be looking for ways to leave the table. Both situations will result in a terrible dining experience.
Instead I propose this. Go out for appetizers. If you both go to a buffet and pick a plate for yourself , just get enough to keep you satiated until the main course. The thin eater can pick amongst the celery and the big feaster can rock up some buffalo wings and sliders. When it comes time to eat, get doggy bags and go home. Bring your appetite back to the dinner table and try to make it to dessert.
Otherwise, find a new person to share your life with. All of it.